The following entry was originally hand-written on a typical sheet of notebook paper. The author, who was feeling unusually sensitive that day, felt a heavy emotion radiating from a person she passed by while browsing through the vast collection of books on the third floor of the Rizal Library Annex. She thought that the feeling would go away but she found out that she can't concetrae on answering her ultra-long chemistry problem set that she scribbled the feeling away on the sheet that was supposed to be containing singnificant figures and dimensional analysis solutions. Everything here is same as the original though a few parts were removed.
June 13, 2008 (11:28 AM)
I saw a boy.
Doning a black shirt, sadness radiates from him towards me as I accidentally passed by him.
I know him.
He was quite illustrious in our lot and for many people, that fame would suffice that empty space in their hearts. When I saw his dull, dark eyes, I became affected. He seems to have it all – at a stranger's point-of-view that is.But not everyone sees the troubles his downcast eyes mirror.
In those seconds, when we just stood in front of each other in between the tall bookshelves of the library, I understood bits of how he feels. Maybe if that boy (whom others already see as a man) will be able to read this small reflection of mine, he might accuse me of intruding his privacy or probably being judgmental towards his actions and preferences. I'd wilingly take those accusations from him without hard feelings because indeed, what I have just written were all based on my perspective.
But you see, this is the second time we saw each other (in the similar manner). I don't expect him to remember me because I, myself, have almost forgotten that I was in the same testing room as him during a foreign standardized testing exam. After this recent encounter, everything came back to my memory.
His eyes are still the same.
His unhappy-looking eyes must have shared the melancholy feeling unto me for I can't help but remember those eyes. Writing everythig down is just my way of expressing the degree his sadness has affected me. He just stood there for a second and made his way past me – just like that. But it really racked my thoughts and my emotions.
When we parted ways, I wanted to look back and smile at him, assure him that there are still people who feel and think for others.
But he's already gone.
Hopefully, next time.
Saturday, July 05, 2008
A Plunge on Blue and White
Four weeks.
Enough vanity and let's get straight to details.
Yep, gone are the days of petty worries and childish wants – university is a step closer to reality. But of course, university life is where the fun starts especially when you become an official Atenean. I can hear you thinking along the lines of 'akala ko ba UP ka?' but the whole UP-turned-Ateneo chapter in my life made me realize something very important – the great things happen unexpectedly. Okay, so many people think that Ateneans are coñio, rich, snob and all other upper society stereotypes that are too many to think of, let alone type here. SO NOT TRUE. You won't enjoy college life if you fill your head with silly perceptions without first-hand basis. I won't deny that before finally deciding on Ateneo, the idea of 'being left-out' also bothered me but when I thought about it, I was like, 'what the hell am I worrying about?'. And now, I enjoy each day with 24 new friends. Making new friends is one great way to enjoy college. Check out XX2's block pics during the OrSem. But we were not complete here. We are 25 in our block but here we are only 24 because the other person was still residing in the 'most famous house in Philippine television'.
Speaking of friends, one of the reasons whyI wasn't able to write down anything for most of June is because of the continuous set of activities for freshmen that robbed me most of my energy. From the registration to course selection, to OrSem, everything is by the students for the students and that factor really makes things more interesting. FYI, the term 'course' is equal to what we call 'subjects' back in high school in contrast to the popular context when people ask college students 'anong course mo?' and expect an answer like 'bs psych po or nursing po'. The previous sentence was so out of topic and not to mention boring but hey, it's a piece of information worth knowing.
So I'm a BS Health Sciences (HSc) major. And you are like 'anu yun?' in your head. Well, it's not your typical pre-med school degree program – it's Chemistry-intensive coupled with advanced mathematics. Nope, people here are not nerds. Okay, so maybe we are a little but come on, everyone has their own streak of “nerdness”. Besides, Hsc peeps are geared towards med school as we lack doctors in our country, swear. Enough of that blah talk about the future. Now is much important.
New environment calls for changes and adjustments. I'll admit that I'm still adjusting but think about this: when it's your first time doing something or going somewhere, remember that you're not the only one who's having the 'first-day blues', everybody feels that too from time to time. But don't go all the way at once since you are not yet sure of what's to come. Take it one at a time.
I'm sure you are about to hunt me down if I still won't update this time. Teehee!
Enough vanity and let's get straight to details.
Not updating for more than a month is totally not me. Everyone who's been with me through my four-year blogging stint knows how I just type the words I can think of and share it, whether it is about the funny-looking statue I passed by somewhere, the trip I had with my family, school work overload or simply random thoughts that I just want to share and/or vent. To think that I survived not accounting anything in this blog, the world must be upside down! Since the world is not upside-down (well, the last time I checked, that is), there is a very good reason behind my hiatus from the blog-sphere and it comes in two words – university life.
Yep, gone are the days of petty worries and childish wants – university is a step closer to reality. But of course, university life is where the fun starts especially when you become an official Atenean. I can hear you thinking along the lines of 'akala ko ba UP ka?' but the whole UP-turned-Ateneo chapter in my life made me realize something very important – the great things happen unexpectedly. Okay, so many people think that Ateneans are coñio, rich, snob and all other upper society stereotypes that are too many to think of, let alone type here. SO NOT TRUE. You won't enjoy college life if you fill your head with silly perceptions without first-hand basis. I won't deny that before finally deciding on Ateneo, the idea of 'being left-out' also bothered me but when I thought about it, I was like, 'what the hell am I worrying about?'. And now, I enjoy each day with 24 new friends. Making new friends is one great way to enjoy college. Check out XX2's block pics during the OrSem. But we were not complete here. We are 25 in our block but here we are only 24 because the other person was still residing in the 'most famous house in Philippine television'.
Speaking of friends, one of the reasons whyI wasn't able to write down anything for most of June is because of the continuous set of activities for freshmen that robbed me most of my energy. From the registration to course selection, to OrSem, everything is by the students for the students and that factor really makes things more interesting. FYI, the term 'course' is equal to what we call 'subjects' back in high school in contrast to the popular context when people ask college students 'anong course mo?' and expect an answer like 'bs psych po or nursing po'. The previous sentence was so out of topic and not to mention boring but hey, it's a piece of information worth knowing.So I'm a BS Health Sciences (HSc) major. And you are like 'anu yun?' in your head. Well, it's not your typical pre-med school degree program – it's Chemistry-intensive coupled with advanced mathematics. Nope, people here are not nerds. Okay, so maybe we are a little but come on, everyone has their own streak of “nerdness”. Besides, Hsc peeps are geared towards med school as we lack doctors in our country, swear. Enough of that blah talk about the future. Now is much important.
New environment calls for changes and adjustments. I'll admit that I'm still adjusting but think about this: when it's your first time doing something or going somewhere, remember that you're not the only one who's having the 'first-day blues', everybody feels that too from time to time. But don't go all the way at once since you are not yet sure of what's to come. Take it one at a time.
I remembered something. Tomorrow is the opening of season 71 of UAAP wherein the first basketball game is between Ateneo and La Salle. I wanted to watch but it's a Sunday and besides, I don't have tickets for the game. I'll probably just watch the game on tv and see how Ateneans (and La Salle too)chant school spirit away.
I'm now past the 'wow-everything-is-so-new-to-me' stage so I guess you'll be seeing/viewing me more often from now on and hopefully, I'll be back to my regular blog frequency.
Sweetness,
Allyne
Allyne
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Season Finale
How ironic.
When summer was supposed to end, I found myself going gaga here and there just to be able to attend all the up and coming rendezvous with my family, chill-out moments with my high school friends and weird, spur-of-the-moment gimmicks with random acquaintances.
To tell the truth, this summer is the worst I had in my sixteen years of existence. Heck, I spent most of my time at home due to the unstable weather condition. It’s summer yet it always rains hard to the point that I feel like having a jet lag. My body is conditioned that this season is supposed to be hot and activity-filled but really, it’s raining. All I did was read (not that I mind doing so) but my life already lacks thrill. A rainy summer just made me sad. Much as I love the rain, I’m so not ready for it this time. So much for my happy summer before hitting university life…
Though I really sound pessimistic right now, I’ve had my share of exciting and fun-filled moments. Are you ready?
I’m not really a shopping-is-my-hobby type but when I get into the zone, I only have eyes for über kawaii stuff. Contrary to popular belief, despite to the socio-economic predicament we are currently experiencing, it is not impossible to find cute and wearable clothes at affordable prices. Actually, I found this clothing shop at the popular 168 mall. The name of the shop was Juana (they have three stalls at different areas of the mall) and they sell different styles of blouses for every shapes and sizes at great prices starting at P250. I fell so in love with this black, cute lolita-ish blouse. It’s so cute that even my Dad (who’s really picky with what I wear) agreed on it. Gosh, I had so much fun with that shop that I bought two more blouses from them. It’s for university, you know, since we don’t wear uniforms anymore and my dad disapproves the t-shirt and pants attire that I am planning to wear everyday. So now, I already have seven pieces of blouses. And I admit it – I had fun trying clothes on.
You guys know that I was an active member of the high school choir and recently, we scheduled this mini get-together. I felt so thrilled because after two months, we all finally got to see each other. Although I didn’t get to see everyone, the feeling of just going back to the music room is enough. I just hope that I’d be able to have the chance to enjoy their company once again especially now that school is about to begin. I’ll really miss Coro.
You bet that I’m sure going to miss my closest high school friends especially that we are now headed to different paths in life. And so before that fated moment, it’s totally great that we managed to meet up and use up the time to make memories and have fun together. Though this sounds cheerless, I’m not really feeling sad ‘coz we did so many happy things. We caught up with each other’s happenings, we ate together, had a group pic, went to the arcade center (though all I did was laugh, watch and cheer), watched the movie 21 while occasionally making noise inside the theater, chatted some more, gawked at Ray’s house, played a round of Uno Stack-o, went crazy while singing at the videoke, ate popcorns and turon with Coke Zero, had a videoke battle wherein we, girls, lost (those guys…we should hold a rematch) and just took in the moments. Yep, I’ll be missing you guys. You know who you are.
After my little adventures this summer, the sun finally radiated the heat it is supposed to let out the whole summer. Too bad, summer season is ending. Well, better be late than never. Recently, I heard this Vanessa Carlton song entitled “White Houses”. It is so fitting. Here it goes…
The summer's all in bloom
The summer is ending soon
It's alright and it's nice not to be so alone
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses
The final verdict: I’m happy.
Sweetness,
Allyne
When summer was supposed to end, I found myself going gaga here and there just to be able to attend all the up and coming rendezvous with my family, chill-out moments with my high school friends and weird, spur-of-the-moment gimmicks with random acquaintances.
To tell the truth, this summer is the worst I had in my sixteen years of existence. Heck, I spent most of my time at home due to the unstable weather condition. It’s summer yet it always rains hard to the point that I feel like having a jet lag. My body is conditioned that this season is supposed to be hot and activity-filled but really, it’s raining. All I did was read (not that I mind doing so) but my life already lacks thrill. A rainy summer just made me sad. Much as I love the rain, I’m so not ready for it this time. So much for my happy summer before hitting university life…
Though I really sound pessimistic right now, I’ve had my share of exciting and fun-filled moments. Are you ready?
I’m not really a shopping-is-my-hobby type but when I get into the zone, I only have eyes for über kawaii stuff. Contrary to popular belief, despite to the socio-economic predicament we are currently experiencing, it is not impossible to find cute and wearable clothes at affordable prices. Actually, I found this clothing shop at the popular 168 mall. The name of the shop was Juana (they have three stalls at different areas of the mall) and they sell different styles of blouses for every shapes and sizes at great prices starting at P250. I fell so in love with this black, cute lolita-ish blouse. It’s so cute that even my Dad (who’s really picky with what I wear) agreed on it. Gosh, I had so much fun with that shop that I bought two more blouses from them. It’s for university, you know, since we don’t wear uniforms anymore and my dad disapproves the t-shirt and pants attire that I am planning to wear everyday. So now, I already have seven pieces of blouses. And I admit it – I had fun trying clothes on.
You guys know that I was an active member of the high school choir and recently, we scheduled this mini get-together. I felt so thrilled because after two months, we all finally got to see each other. Although I didn’t get to see everyone, the feeling of just going back to the music room is enough. I just hope that I’d be able to have the chance to enjoy their company once again especially now that school is about to begin. I’ll really miss Coro.
You bet that I’m sure going to miss my closest high school friends especially that we are now headed to different paths in life. And so before that fated moment, it’s totally great that we managed to meet up and use up the time to make memories and have fun together. Though this sounds cheerless, I’m not really feeling sad ‘coz we did so many happy things. We caught up with each other’s happenings, we ate together, had a group pic, went to the arcade center (though all I did was laugh, watch and cheer), watched the movie 21 while occasionally making noise inside the theater, chatted some more, gawked at Ray’s house, played a round of Uno Stack-o, went crazy while singing at the videoke, ate popcorns and turon with Coke Zero, had a videoke battle wherein we, girls, lost (those guys…we should hold a rematch) and just took in the moments. Yep, I’ll be missing you guys. You know who you are.
After my little adventures this summer, the sun finally radiated the heat it is supposed to let out the whole summer. Too bad, summer season is ending. Well, better be late than never. Recently, I heard this Vanessa Carlton song entitled “White Houses”. It is so fitting. Here it goes…
The summer's all in bloom
The summer is ending soon
It's alright and it's nice not to be so alone
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses
The final verdict: I’m happy.
Sweetness,
Allyne
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
"Beyond the Game"
While taking the usual weekend stroll in one of the most popular malls in town, I saw this World Cyber Games 2008 (WCG) poster and I kind of remembered the funny parts of my high school days.There was this time when a few members of my batch would gather in a computer rental shop and hold e-gaming marathons, usually Defense of the Ancient (DotA), O2Jam and Counter Strike. Since I’m not a hardcore gamer (I haven’t played any other network game since the advent of Ragnarok when I was still in sixth grade), I don’t really understand the fuss about it. Actually, I always get irritated because after the last period, people would dash out of the classroom, skipping out on cleaning duties.
But really, when I passed by Cyberzone where the eliminations for the World Cyber Games – Philippines is being held, I was overwhelmed by the number of people and the “bishonen factor” of most of the attendees (I was so not gawking at them, okay?), all of them vying for the chance to compete in Cologne, Germany for the actual WCG 2008. I so want to take a picture of the event but I felt a bit shy because 1.) I’m a girl and they might think that I have fan girl tendencies; 2.) My dad, who is not a fan of photography, is with me, and; 3.) I don’t have my digital camera with me and though I have my cellphone with a built-in camera, its resolution is poor.
I kind of read the details of the events while waiting (and secretly scanning the area for bishies) for my dad who was then in a nearby shop. So I totally felt like a noob when I encountered a couple of titles that are so new to me – Command and Conquer 2 and Need for Speed. I’ve experienced playing Warcraft III and Counter Strike way back in elementary school days. I feel so familiar with DotA since most of my boy buds (and not so buds) talk and fuss about it. Guitar Hero, on the other hand, was made known to me unexpectedly while watching the first season of Gossip Girl TV series (I can’t remember if it’s episode 20 or 21).Okay. So many adults frown upon the gaming hype but in on one stand point, these activities stimulate some positive outcome. You see, it takes a lot of brain power in order to formulate a winning strategy. Though gaming is not really a sport or something but in my opinion, it’s a medium of releasing frustrations. Once in a while, it is fine to let one’s mind wander into different realities. Everything just depends on the player if he’ll just let himself drown in fantasy. Great players should know when to stop, ne?
Playing cyber games is really an experience you need to take before judging the people who love them. I may not be a kick-ass gamer but I know I’ve had a taste of it.
Sweetness,
Allyne
*“Beyond the Game” is the official slogan of the World Cyber Games Tournament. I don’t own any credit for the said line.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Washing Regrets Away
The last time I checked my calendar, it said May 12, 2008. According to the natural course of weather for the past first decade of my life, the month May is still included in the season called summer. But recently, it has been raining cats and dogs that my sunny spirit got swept away. I can't do anything fun like I used to. And as I write this entry, the sky still shows no sign of the sun shining today. Such sudden weather shift melted me to the point of remembering the most depressing period (so far) of my young life. The number of trees within our yard seems to be doing nothing to help ease the effects of global warming. I want my warm summer back!I’m a self-professed rainy season lover but it feels like having a jet lag. The fact that the climate shift is occurring has so much effect on me that during the first May 2008 downpour, I got a pencil and a piece of paper and just scribbled how I feel. It was very dim but I didn’t mind. I didn’t bother looking at what I was writing for it would defeat the purpose. I just want to know how I feel. And your happiest moment can also give you your most depressing one.
May 11, 2008
Today is very rainy. I usually feel happy when it is raining for I really love the water and the cool breeze it brings. But today, it is different. The moment the thunder rumbled, I fell onto my pillow and felt sleepy as if I had no energy at all. And then, I just felt sad. The gloomy atmosphere surrounded me and just like that, I remembered a painful memory that I wanted to forget.
It has been 5 years since I first met a person who once became very important in my life. It was also raining like this day when I first met him. Yes, he is a guy. The first guy who I can probably say, appreciated my being. I did not expect him to become special to me since we only knew each other in a civil manner. Maybe it was just part of my growth that we crossed paths in a personal degree. It cannot be coincidence for God doesn’t play dice. I was happy with him though he is far from my ideal. I liked him. He was a friend, brother and a special person. He taught me things I might not be able to discover by my self back then for naivety was still a close companion of mine. Eight months passed by. We had our share of happy moments, disagreements and some other special moments.
While a lot happened that I felt so attached to him, a sudden realization dawned to me. Might he became a some sort of a guide for quite some time, I realized that what I felt for him was different from what he was feeling for me. The very thought of it just disgusts me that I did and said little troublesome things just to slowly inch away from his grasps. I know that I might be hurting him in some way but I just let my mind rule over my heart. I’ve been misled for a long time and it hurts to know that you’ve been taken advantaged of. When he left town, it made the process easier for me. I just told him that I don’t feel right anymore. The moment I said those words to him was the first time I felt so good in a long while. I broke whatsoever contact we had but he kept bugging me. I just ignored him.
But after five years, I felt that I should have given him the chance to explain and maybe, to formally part ways. My confusion, youth and naivety back then blinded my reason. Given a chance to meet him, I just want to tell him that I’m happy that he became a part of my life and that I have forgiven him even though I missed out on many things because of him.
I was not being emo, just nostalgic in a sense that I have a small regret. Though the rain that day made me really sadder than as I was (read Absently Celebrating Mothers’ Day), I still feel grateful of being reminded that we only get one shot in life. We must live each day to the fullest, making it sure that we have no regrets for the most tormenting feeling is that of wondering what could have been. To deny one’s self of experiencing the rainbow of feelings is tantamount to suicide minus the blood. We’ll only know happiness if we’ve felt how it is to feel down. Same goes with the idea that we feel the joys of love is because we had the thorns of it. To live is to feel.
No regrets.
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