Movie: Raise the Red Lantern

Along the process of tidying up (ie. reformatting) my four-year-old laptop, I am starting by removing the numerous sticky notes on my desktop screen.

During the summer vacation, I had the chance to watch the award-winning Chinese movie Raise the Red Lantern starring Gong Li. I just watched it because of Gong Li (that woman is really pretty and talented, I swear). I didn't know anything about the plot but to my surprise, I found myself thinking about the movie's message right after watching it. It was definitely a gothic film. Perhaps dark is the right term? I'm not really sure. But I'm sure that it is a very good film. Somewhat educational in terms of older Chinese culture.

The following are my thoughts that I typed away on a sticky note on my desktop.

"The movie Raise the Red Lantern speaks of the importance given by the Chinese to traditions. It also shows an attempt of the younger generations to break the tradition yet at the same time, hides themselves underneath the said old traditions. The result of such half-hearted attempt will only lead to despair, madness and death. This also shows that in order to fully break away from the 'chains' of traditions, the Chinese women should be firm in their resolve and actually choose which path they want to go. Indecisiveness will only bring suffering not only to one's self but others as well."

5 Questions

1.) Were you the one who wrote 'I love you' on my paper?

2.) If yes, why did you do so?

3.) What's your favorite color?

4.) Are you irritated by me?

5.) What do you think of me?

These questions must have been swimming in my head for a long time now since it was easy for me to utter these top 5 questions that I will ask you, if you and I will ever have the chance to have a talk.

Just you and me.

Maybe I should thank my friends for letting me actually think about it. But the thing is, knowing these questions actually made me want to know the answers from you. You sure know how to make a girl go crazy about you.

Open Door

Today is a day when I got reminded by lady Fate that I can't always get what I want.

It's a fact that I know all to well and yet... it hurt. And I am currently reveling in the pain, not because I'm a masochist. Rather, I want the feeling to sink in. That's why I am writing this. The words make the feelings real, real to me. Experiencing and accepting that reality will push me past he pain and hurt with new wisdom.

As I end this brief entry, I can say that I feel better. Even if lady Fate denied me entrance to one door, I'm sure she'll happily open a different one for me.

love the way you lie

It has been a hobby of mine to browse through youtube and "discover" new songs, new sounds, new music.

Last night, I came across this new single from Eminem and Rihanna called "Love the Way You Lie". I always admired Eminem's fearless self-expression (though I'm not really enthusiastic about his excessive usage of swearwords) while I salute her as how she came back stronger after the incident with Chris Brown.

To be honest, I did not finish the entire song. I stopped listening after around 40 seconds. Ideally, I wanted to finish a song so that I can judge whether I like it or not. But I stopped listening. Not because I already determined that like/hate the song but because I got so stuck on Eminem's first two lines.

I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like

Those lines really hit the bull's eye.

Recently, my close friends who knew about my latest matters of the heart would ask me where are am I now in terms of my feelings. I really find it difficult to answer such question. They expect me to give out a universally known term or explanation. But I don't know how I will enclose my emotions into familiar words that either don't seem enough or seem too serious to describe what's in my heart.

This sort of things make me wish that I could easily create words that will fit exactly. That way, misunderstandings won't happen. Words are just too powerful. Once you wrote or said them, it will be difficult to take them back. You can either hurt or make someone happy by just uttering a single word.

So for now, maybe I'll stay quiet. That way, I won't be accused of lying if by any chance I'm not entirely sure of how I feel.

He should have done the same. Maybe I won't be in this maze if he did.

Frustration Blender

Numbers. Numbers.

All I see are numbers.

It makes me dizzy seeing all these complicated-looking and intimidating strings of mathematical expressions and formulas on a single chalk-blanched blackboard.

I initially thought that it must be fate speaking. Physics and I are never meant to be together.

But at the back of my mind, I know that all those symbols and representations actually make some sort of sense. Albeit vague, I understand.

So why on earth did I write the first few lines of senseless complaints and rantings?

For one, I really just wanted to rant... and complain. And two, I want to make myself realize that I am just running away from the problem.

At present, I should be doing my physics problem set but instead I am writing this. Well, this is better than just pacing inside the library. I'm not really being productive. I feel bad.

Well, I have finally allowed myself to release my unease. Physics really drives me to the edge (particularly due to a certain nightmarish experience caused by a certain person).

Sigh, thank you words. If words did not exist, I might have gone really wild from frustration.

jaaaa, off to work