Memories from Staircases

If you had been reading my blog since my high school days, you'll probably know what the term starfish signifies. And with what I am to share later in this entry, I feel that it is apt to look back and reminisce what I call the starfish affair.

High school sophomore year was a very eventful and significant year. If every year of my life would be a dynasty, I would call my sophomore year The Golden Age. I won't elaborate on how perfect everything seemed for me back then but rather, I'll zoom into one dimension of that so-called perfection -- starfish.

I met a guy who literally took my breath. The first time I met him, I appeared klutzy for mistaking his identity. Well, I got distracted by everything about him. He had this aura of mystery, confidence and intellect. His cute smile was just a compliment to his persona. Yes, I was definitely smitten. And if I am to be honest, I am more than smitten. And that made me feel really good throughout the year. Everytime I see him, it was enough to make me smile so wide.

I really fell so hard for him that I was very shattered when I heard that he's leaving. Because of that, I deliberated on whether I should tell him how I feel for him. Even if I knew that there's only 1% chance that he'll reciprocate, I just want to tell him my feelings just so he knows that he's special. It took me so long to decide.

I told him.

Guess what?

He politely told me that he appreciates how I feel for him and even said 'thank you'. But, he can't return those feelings due to a couple of reasons. I understand him. After an hour of talking, I thanked him for listening. I calmly walked away from him and when I reached the nearest corner, I dashed immediately.

My friends were waiting for me. When I reached them, I tried to smile but I just couldn't hide my true feelings. Right then and there, on the middle of the staircase, I cried my heart out.

It hurt that he rejected me.
I cried.
He thought I was just having a crush on him.
I cried.
He was leaving.
I cried.
I love him.
I cried.

For about two hours, I was just crying in the arms of my friends, regardless of the stares I got. He made me feel so many beautiful emotions. He made me feel good about myself. I did not cry so much just because he rejected me. I mourned for the fact that he was leaving. I was contented with admiring him from afar.

When I stopped crying, I realized how many friends I have. They were there -- worrying about me. If I had more tears to cry, I might have cried again. That very moment made me feel so loved. Might the love be platonic, my friends made me feel better because of their concern.

And all these things happened on a staircase.

I remembered this episode in my life just because I recently fell down the staircase. Yes, I had a terrible sprain due to a torn ligament but I'm now better for only a few more purple blotches remain on my foot's skin. I thank my friends for supporting me on this one too, especially XX2. Your patience with my slow pace during the previous weeks means a lot to me.

I am now healing. I am now healed.

I loved him.
And now, I smile.

I might be over him but I know that I'll always have a space for him in my heart...

That is until I find the man for me.