simply tired.

I'm tired.

My body.

My mind.

my HEART.

The First Lines After a Year

April 2, 2009 was a sad, sad day.

For sometime, one person was the object of my affections. I tried to deny my feelings for I know he has eyes for another. But after a while, my heart started to feel so much pain and cried so hard because I know that I'll always be the girl friend and not the girlfriend.

It was difficult. So I scribbled out lines without much thought.

(I typed the succeeding lines in accordance to how I wrote them on the white sheet of paper)

The first lines After A year

I want to hold you tight

When no one else might

With the burden you carry

I don't want you to be sorry

For letting me catch you

Because I will always do.

I want to kiss you lightly

To lend you sweetness even slightly

Might you be thinking of another

At least I know I'm your shelter

Through all the silence of your fears

I'll never leave for I always hear

Your heart's beating as if

It's mine like a gift.

I want you to be happy

By painting a smile even if it's sappy

For you always make my day

With everything you say

May it be about her

At least we relieved it together.

Even though I hurt so much

As long as it is a moment with you

I'll always live through.

I want to love you forever

The way you unknowingly love her

For even if you say you don't

Your eyes say that it's all you want.

My heart cries just by such idea

'Coz I want to be the one with you.

If you would turn around

I'm sure you'll see me bound

To you like water is to life

So I won't give you up without a fight.

But should I fight if there's no

Certain way to go

Towards the road leading to your heart?

I am not sure where to start.

- IaMarie

April 2, 2009

I never intended to write so much about you, my new-found star, but I just couldn't help it. Instead of crying, I just let the words flow in case you want to know.

I think I like you more than I think I do.

---

I do not hurt so much compared to before. But I was reminded of how difficult and painful it was when I found the crumpled sheet of paper with those words.

Now I'm sad.

This one's for you. You should know who you are.

We both know how I feel. You just chose to ignore it.

I've been so good at hiding it now so maybe you think that it's done.

You thought wrong.

I'm sorry. You trusted me so much.

But know this. I did not lie to you.

Don't worry, I'll get over you. Hopefully soon.

So that you won't have to be burdened so much of my affections.

We are still friends, right?

Before I Hit the Books

If I am to describe the previous semester, I am definitely choosing ‘crazy’.

What started with the A(H1N1) plague ended tragically with the Ondoy-Pepeng typhoon tandem lashing. Add to the equation the other personal messes I got caught up. Simply, my sanity (even my heart) undertook a rollercoaster ride. I can’t deny the fact that I felt really tired in the duration of the semester. You can even take the scarcity of entries as another sign of how crazy things were.

But the semestral break has come, I gratefully dispatched all the weariness and stress I accumulated from the past four months and welcomed the vacation with a huge hug! I do hope you guys did so too.

Tomorrow, I’ll be going back to school with a more intense workload and crazy schedule. I’m really excited! Crazy, I know. But that’s the result of a happy and eventful vacation! :D

The first day of my sembreak, October 16, 2009, was uneventful… really. That was until my mom told me that she booked us a flight to Kalibo. Not really exciting then, she continued saying that we’ll head to Boracay upon landing. Now that’s sweet~!

Actually, I was just tagged along by mom upon my dad’s suggestion (yay, thanks daddy!). She attended this nurses’ convention to be held in Bora. But before that, we actually did the more fun activities. We toured Boracay island by boat, did snorkeling (I saw lotsa fishies! So colorful!), had a spin on the banana boat (I sat in front – felt like a rodeo on the sea :D) and had lunch by the beach.

For the succeeding days of the seminar, I was left to my own devices and what’s a good girl gonna do? WANDER! I walked the entire long beach, looked around, bought pasalubongs and simply enjoyed. It was cool walking on the sand all the way since it was white and really finely grained. On my way back, I walked near the water. It was really relaxing since the weather was not really hot and the water was not too warm. Too bad my mom borrowed the digi cam for her convention so I wasn’t able to take pics during my alone time wandering. I wanted to get my hair braided but I pushed the thought away… my curly hair might get curlier :|

After three days in Bora, we headed to Aklan, specifically Caticlan then Kalibo. In Kalibo we visited this reso

rt called Sampaguita Gardens and it was really nice and cute. They have this shop dedicated to everything Precious Moments. There a lots of cute dolls and other cutesy stuff. My mom and I could not resist

cuteness that much so we gave in to the temptation. We bought this adorable doll looking like a native participant of the Ati-Atihan and the other one was a cute ballerina doll. There were lotsa other cute dolls but I don’t think we’d be able to bring them back properly. There are other cool places inside but my favorite is the Precious Moments store… no wonder really. Oh, and I saw the owner of the Precious Moments foundation there, in the flesh :D He was there.

Kalikasan Nature Detachment which is actually a forest with a path leading to underground waterfalls. It’s so amazing! In fact, while trekking down towards the waterfalls, I felt like I was in an Indiana Jones film. The forest is sooo cool! But before I got to enjoy that part of nature, I first had an intense dose of adrenaline from what the Army men call Slide for Life.

If you have experienced Zipline in Tagaytay and got really scared, Slide for Life will definitely make you run for your life! Slide for Life is a commando-style version of Zipline. Suspended 100 feet off the ground, wearing one set of waist harness, your hands grabbing on to the ropes above your head for dear life as you slide high speed… I swear I thought my heart stopped. But it was really worth it! The guys should really try this if ever they get the chance. WOOHOO!

After the adrenaline-filled morning, later that afternoon we were able to get to visit the Sta. Barbara Church in Ilaya, Capiz. The said church houses the largest bell in Asia. The church was built during the Spanish era so imagine how old that bell is. We climbed up the bell tower and the steps were really steep so if you have acrophobia, I suggest that you go there with a couple of friends to help you if you really wanna see that cool bell!

On our way back from the church, my mom and I bought lots of dried food stuff which were popularly made in Roxas as pasalubong to the peeps back in Manila. We still went back to Camp Peralta but it was really late and our flight back to Manila was really early so I was really beat.

Back in Manila around 8:00 am last October 21, I was kinda groggy-looking but I felt really great. I feel relaxed, energized and real happy! I kinda missed the city too though. :D

After my week-long vacay over Visayas, I became more than ready to cheer for my sister in the 27^th foundation celebration of SSA. I missed those practices and dancing every October back in high school. But hey, it was also fun to be the one watching. ;D

As for the rest of the vacation…let’s just say I had more fun :D

I’m gonna go grab some sleep coz tomorrow, it’s gonna be war all over. Toodles!