Howdy peeps!

Well, I'm back to school and so far, I'm doing okay... I'm not ranting about sleepless nights anymore because I do it now at my will. Hahahaha!

By February, the Juniors' Prom is going to be held which means fancy dresses, flowers, dancing nights and major disaster for me. I'm not really used to these type of gatherings because I'm sort of reclusive in a different definition of the word. What will I do? I can really predict that I'm gonna be one of the "wallflowers" on that night and I feel a bit disappointed 'bout that thought. Though I really want to dress up in some "princessy" type of garment once in a while, in general, I'm having second thoughts on what I'm gonna do for that occassion... scary.

Wasted...

I’m not in a good disposition right now.

Although I got a lot of things and achievements for my self, I still feel lost, alone and odd among the others. I barely have someone to talk to because my heart wants to burst due to certain emotions. I can’t find my place, I’m disturbed. I just want to cry yet I wouldn’t want to.

I am happy with what I can achieve and with what I am right now but it’s just that I don’t have people to turn to when I’m in need emotionally. It is like I live alone in an empty house with no doors and windows. Before I was stoic but now, I can’t even get a grip of my feelings. I’m all ruined and confused. If it wasn’t for my faithful and fighting will, maybe I would have been dead by now due to depression and overwhelming solitary sensation.

I want to force my bubbly character out once more but my spirit of glee must have expired long enough for me to forget how to really feel joy. Somehow, I am thankful to have few friends left to hold on to, keeping me half-sane but unfortunately, they can’t understand the way I’m feeling right now and how deeply I am hurt. No doubt, I feel so stupid and all. It’s so frustrating…

Mumbles

Well....

HOWDY!

It's the first day of school and I'm not feeling okay but still, I'm doing my best not to be affected by anything on anybody. I'm good. Okay? You have to believe me. If you don't I'll punch you... hehehehe.

'Till here for now. Wahhhh! I got a perfect score in Technology and Health Education! Hahaha! First time! Anyway, bye for now! :)

Silent Nights

I guess I owe you guys a ‘Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year’ greeting, right?

Unlike the previous years, I had a very quiet celebration of the season. Though I usually am smiling around other people, I really am dying inside. You see, I spent most of my nights crying and pondering on my mistakes and the other things I need to do in order to get over my circumstances.

I should not have spent my Christmas like that. I know but I can’t help it. Though I don’t want to cry, I just find the tears continuously falling. Sigh. This is so not a good sign for my upcoming year.

Anyhow, I decided to get rid of my ridiculous self and just let everything loose. I started off with cutting my hair shorter, pampering my self more by being more girly and stopped being a desperate, weight-watching buff. The only problem I’m kind of facing right now is that I’m experiencing a mild pimple breakout and it’s not amusing! I regret spending my nights by crying. I’m so stupid! Hahahaha!

Well, I’m still happy because I was able to “virtually” avoid the source of my ache. Swallowing the pain has some advantage, I must say but -- I DO NOT advice it. It’s almost committing suicide minus the knife and physical injuries. You see your mistakes, you see his. You hurt so much inside, he doesn’t seem to be affected. You fake a smile, he doesn’t even notice. You hide the pain you feel, he could care less. You want to forget, memories of him make you fail. Despite all the tormenting feeling, we normally just let it all sink in just because we L-O-V-E this person.

I guess you get the picture of my holidays. I advice you not to do this because it causes huge eye bags, pimple breakouts, heavy feeling and depressed eating tendencies. Don’t say I didn’t warn you! :)

Hopefully, I’ll be back to bubbles and candies the next time I post! I wish you all a “blastful” year ahead!

See you when I see you!