Blob. Blob. Blob.
With those words, you are probably thinking that I’m already nuts or whatever but unfortunately, I’m still sane. Sigh, the swimming lessons we had earlier must have rubbed me off badly. And my left calf is still aching after paddling and kicking in the water, in short, I am currently experiencing cramps. Poor me.
Anyway, after my underwater adventure in a 7 feet pool, I suddenly felt so weak, confused, sleepy, uncertain and heartbroken. My day became so boring and lonely and I still can’t understand why. I suppose it’s because of the chlorine inside my system or because of all these boring activities at school. Nah, who am I fooling? I know what’s going inside me and I can’t help but feel so broken.
I know what’s you’re thinking. You are probably thinking, ‘Oh it’s just another heartache about him’. I’m sorry to disappoint you but unfortunately, it’s not it.
I might be the very jolly and bubbly at school but when I’m just by my self in one side of my room, I don’t really know what to do with my self. Up to now, I still can’t figure out what am I supposed to do in order to be victorious in terms of my inner turmoil.
Of course I’m not the only one suffering from uncertainty and insecurity at my stage. But how can I not help but feel so stupid every time I realize that I have a problem in front of me? I mean, problems are supposed to be solved and not forgotten, right?
I know that I have every right to feel happy and relaxed at some extent but when this shadows of mine haunt me, I can feel that time stops ticking and I’m all alone facing my own weaknesses. Well, do these mishaps make me tumble down? Of course not! I thank problems for being present because all of this make me a lot stronger and emotionally fit in times of hardships. I’m not just plain babbling and babbling. I’m telling the truth mind you.
Whenever there are times we have to face problems, we don’t have to runaway. We have to stop, turn around and face the challenges we have tried to pass. Running away does not solve everything, it only makes things more difficult and more unbearable than it was supposed to be. Let’s be brave and face all what the obstacles laid in front of us. It’s not going to be easy, but I know we can all make through it.
See Ya When I See Ya! ;)
Monday, January 23, 2006
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Frederick's Tale
I had a very adventurous and eventful day at school which i don't normal have. First, I have to deal with all these drama in front of the class which is really an important thing for our certain subject. I actually cried for my part which I thought would be difficult. I am still relieved that my classmates didn't actually tease me or anything the like because of that play-play thingy. I wanna hug them all!
Then after that, my brain was pretty shooked with our seatwork for our Mathematics class. The lesson was easy to understand but if you try to put it in different ways, urgghh, it's really confusing and brain-wracking.
After our lunchbreak, me and my other classmates went to our journalism class but unfortunately, our teacher has other important things to do at that period so indstead of classes, my friends and I went to the library where we chit-chatted while our other classmates are having their home education subject wherein their topic is sewing. I probably won't survive properly in that class. I had a great time relaxing at the library with all the silence and serenity in the atmosphere but unfortunately, when I returned to our classroom, I got a shock of my life. The thing is, our class adviser scolded me because my stupid 34 other classmates left our room OPEN. The doors are not closed, the sliding windows are open, the ceiling fans are left operating, anything, like it's a total wreck! I wasn't even there! I wanted to defend my self because SOMEBODY ELSE IS RESPONSIBLE for that irresposibility! But I didn't get a chance.. Arrggg! I want to rip someone's head off!
But after that stupid encounter with people who are so insensitive, I met Frederick. Well, it was during our Biology Laboratory class and I was feeling mixed emotions running through my veins. My female classmates are screaming or running of at the sight of Frederick and his friends. Probably because they're not really good looking or stuff but I think Frederick is okay.
Actually, Frederick is a frog, a bull frog to be specific. He's quite twitchy and wiggly that he won't stay put even after I have paralized him. Oh, did i mention that we were actually dissecting frogs earlier? No? well, anyway, I was really nervous as I pin Frederick upon the dissecting pan because he 's always kicking and wriggling whenever I try to stretch his hands and feet. Gosh, I must say that it took my courage and skill to pin him properly.
Our objective, actually, is to get the frog's heart from it's system and have it continuously beating. I have no problem with that but I have found my self nervous when it's already time for me to cut his arteries and veins and get his heart. I really pity Frederick for no reason at all. I sense his pain everytime I touch an organ in his body. Poor Frederick but I owe him my laboratory experiment grade because his heart was continuously beating in front of my teacher. Frederick, I really owe you a lot. Thank you.
So, when you guys dissect frogs for a cause like grades or requirements, at least try to give them a name as a sign of gratitude. Sigh...
See you when I see you! :)
Then after that, my brain was pretty shooked with our seatwork for our Mathematics class. The lesson was easy to understand but if you try to put it in different ways, urgghh, it's really confusing and brain-wracking.
After our lunchbreak, me and my other classmates went to our journalism class but unfortunately, our teacher has other important things to do at that period so indstead of classes, my friends and I went to the library where we chit-chatted while our other classmates are having their home education subject wherein their topic is sewing. I probably won't survive properly in that class. I had a great time relaxing at the library with all the silence and serenity in the atmosphere but unfortunately, when I returned to our classroom, I got a shock of my life. The thing is, our class adviser scolded me because my stupid 34 other classmates left our room OPEN. The doors are not closed, the sliding windows are open, the ceiling fans are left operating, anything, like it's a total wreck! I wasn't even there! I wanted to defend my self because SOMEBODY ELSE IS RESPONSIBLE for that irresposibility! But I didn't get a chance.. Arrggg! I want to rip someone's head off!
But after that stupid encounter with people who are so insensitive, I met Frederick. Well, it was during our Biology Laboratory class and I was feeling mixed emotions running through my veins. My female classmates are screaming or running of at the sight of Frederick and his friends. Probably because they're not really good looking or stuff but I think Frederick is okay.
Actually, Frederick is a frog, a bull frog to be specific. He's quite twitchy and wiggly that he won't stay put even after I have paralized him. Oh, did i mention that we were actually dissecting frogs earlier? No? well, anyway, I was really nervous as I pin Frederick upon the dissecting pan because he 's always kicking and wriggling whenever I try to stretch his hands and feet. Gosh, I must say that it took my courage and skill to pin him properly.
Our objective, actually, is to get the frog's heart from it's system and have it continuously beating. I have no problem with that but I have found my self nervous when it's already time for me to cut his arteries and veins and get his heart. I really pity Frederick for no reason at all. I sense his pain everytime I touch an organ in his body. Poor Frederick but I owe him my laboratory experiment grade because his heart was continuously beating in front of my teacher. Frederick, I really owe you a lot. Thank you.
So, when you guys dissect frogs for a cause like grades or requirements, at least try to give them a name as a sign of gratitude. Sigh...
See you when I see you! :)
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Screwed Up
HOW CAN HE BE SO CRUEL? I SUPPOSE THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS THAT ARE BEST WHEN LEFT UNSAID...
Monday, January 09, 2006
Seen yet Blinded
I feel so weak today. Everything felt out of place. My mind is stirring, my view is blurred, i can't find my voice to speak yet I know my heart keeps on screaming out loud. How can my day seem to be cruel when all I want is to be seen by someone I want to see?
I'm so envious of my best friend and her nice, humorous, intelligent and understanding guy. They seem so perfect together. I know it's kinda hopeless yet i just keep on thinking 'bout him. I don't really care about what others might say. What matters to me is him.
But I know that i must not burn myself just because of him. My life must still go on despite all the temporary hardships and turmoils that I'm being taking on. I just want to release all these unsaid feelings because speaking it out to him makes me want to say that I want to hold him forever. I really want to but i can't and i may not.
He do glance at me sometimes yet it's not enough to quench the burning sensation of my heart. I want to be seen by him.
Yes, I'm not being myself today if you notice. This is the other part of my heart. The in love yet lonely, sad and broken part. I know that some of you might think that what I'm writing here today is foolish or too mushy. But i must say that this is me. There is nothing wrong with feeling.. instead, it brings the warmth and joy of a person in exchange of the risk of being hurt and broken. I've taken it all in. All because of him...
I'm so envious of my best friend and her nice, humorous, intelligent and understanding guy. They seem so perfect together. I know it's kinda hopeless yet i just keep on thinking 'bout him. I don't really care about what others might say. What matters to me is him.
But I know that i must not burn myself just because of him. My life must still go on despite all the temporary hardships and turmoils that I'm being taking on. I just want to release all these unsaid feelings because speaking it out to him makes me want to say that I want to hold him forever. I really want to but i can't and i may not.
He do glance at me sometimes yet it's not enough to quench the burning sensation of my heart. I want to be seen by him.
Yes, I'm not being myself today if you notice. This is the other part of my heart. The in love yet lonely, sad and broken part. I know that some of you might think that what I'm writing here today is foolish or too mushy. But i must say that this is me. There is nothing wrong with feeling.. instead, it brings the warmth and joy of a person in exchange of the risk of being hurt and broken. I've taken it all in. All because of him...
Friday, January 06, 2006
Ramblings on a puzzle
Ahh… what a wonderful day! I just got a dose of Naruto the Movie and it’s SOOO Fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just can’t help but be on sugar high! Uhhh… please help me!
Anyway, back to normal, I had a plain yet sentimental day at school today. Seeing my grades slapped at my face, gazing at him from afar, classmates and batchmates passing by the corridors, teachers busy computing and checking our grades, people giving me weird looks, guys teasing me, teachers giving off instructions, girls giggling over guys, guys gossiping about girls, and of course, him just being himself… Sigh... When will he ever open up? And why does he not? Is he that dense not to notice me? Well, I think he already do know ‘bout me lovin’ him. And I believe, it’s freaking him out!!!
How do I know? Well, it’s not quite hard not to think that it’s possible. He is obviously a super genius guy so I believe that it would only take him one neuron to process the fact that I like him because of my “probably” weird actions towards him. No kidding. He’s a real dude and these past few days, he’s acting really weird. Why weird? Well, I can almost recite his schedule during school days and I also notice his usual actions during class hours. Is he my classmate? Nah, he’s not but how can I actually manage to see his routines? Well, I have my own ways and I’m not gonna share! J Anyway, here are some reasons why I can say that he’s already noticing my feelings for him:
He does not look at me in the eye anymore.
He does not sit on his usual place in that certain classroom anymore.
His best friend does not talk to me anymore.
He does not return my greetings anymore like before.
He does not smile at me anymore every time we see each other at the hallways.
He ignored me twice already.
He was quite weird at me (though he really is already weird enough) these past few days.
He does not even look at me or acknowledge me whenever we meet. (He did acknowledge me yesterday but still…)
His best friend does not tease me anymore and I miss it already.
And lastly, he barely make me see him.
Sigh… poor me. But anyway, I still know that I will survive because I still believe that I’ll keep him close to my heart. He’s the only happiness underneath all the stuff happening at school that makes me loose my head upon numbers… Till next time!
See ya when I see ya! – Hime Yume
Anyway, back to normal, I had a plain yet sentimental day at school today. Seeing my grades slapped at my face, gazing at him from afar, classmates and batchmates passing by the corridors, teachers busy computing and checking our grades, people giving me weird looks, guys teasing me, teachers giving off instructions, girls giggling over guys, guys gossiping about girls, and of course, him just being himself… Sigh... When will he ever open up? And why does he not? Is he that dense not to notice me? Well, I think he already do know ‘bout me lovin’ him. And I believe, it’s freaking him out!!!
How do I know? Well, it’s not quite hard not to think that it’s possible. He is obviously a super genius guy so I believe that it would only take him one neuron to process the fact that I like him because of my “probably” weird actions towards him. No kidding. He’s a real dude and these past few days, he’s acting really weird. Why weird? Well, I can almost recite his schedule during school days and I also notice his usual actions during class hours. Is he my classmate? Nah, he’s not but how can I actually manage to see his routines? Well, I have my own ways and I’m not gonna share! J Anyway, here are some reasons why I can say that he’s already noticing my feelings for him:
He does not look at me in the eye anymore.
He does not sit on his usual place in that certain classroom anymore.
His best friend does not talk to me anymore.
He does not return my greetings anymore like before.
He does not smile at me anymore every time we see each other at the hallways.
He ignored me twice already.
He was quite weird at me (though he really is already weird enough) these past few days.
He does not even look at me or acknowledge me whenever we meet. (He did acknowledge me yesterday but still…)
His best friend does not tease me anymore and I miss it already.
And lastly, he barely make me see him.
Sigh… poor me. But anyway, I still know that I will survive because I still believe that I’ll keep him close to my heart. He’s the only happiness underneath all the stuff happening at school that makes me loose my head upon numbers… Till next time!
See ya when I see ya! – Hime Yume
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Twirling Kaleidoscope
There are so many things that have passed my every day that is quite essential for me in order to be able to say that my day is already satisfactory. As for today, it had been a very eventful day for me, filled with so many predicaments but there are still some events that have been quite unexpected yet left warmth in my heart.
Love is the one I’m referring to when I said warmth in my heart. Yes, of course, I’m also human. I also feel those emotions that you could describe as very mushy or disgusting. Well, I also have a certain person who made my heart flutter every time I see him and at the same time, break my heart into pieces every time I remember that I can never have him. It’s sad but the moment he told me earlier that he appreciates my gift for him this Christmas with all those smiles he gives out unusually, I couldn’t help but melt inside. Sigh. If only…
Anyway, I just find it depressing when I found out that I got pretty low grades. Yeah. The last time I wrote that I got low grades yet now, I’m still groaning about it. Yes, I’m quite disappointed with my self because I got low grades in my minor subjects which are also known as electives. Well, I keep telling my self to be excellent in these fields because they can help a lot in order for me to maintain my standards yet with all these stupid efforts, I still got low grades… sigh. If only I could turn back time.
Well, there was a heart-breaking news that my class had heard from one of our most-loved teachers. My favorite subject, Social Studies, with our lovable instructor is going to be my most loathed subject if the news would be confirmed. Wanna know why? It’s because, our teacher is going to be replaced by some loony pervert of a monster (I’m referring to the other Social Studies teacher of our level)!!! I’m not lying but the other teacher is a total PERVERT and he’s got favoritism, meaning if you’re a boy, ha, you lose! Gosh, I love my Social Studies teacher because he’s really the best of the best! I can’t have him being replaced yet what can I do? Well, as for my part, I wanted to make the most out of my favorite subject so whenever there are instances that I would need his assistance in relation to our subject because the substitute teacher is being stupid and useless, I wouldn’t hesitate in doing so.
So for now, I’ll stick to my usual happy sugar high stage and feel the warmth that reigns in my heart for I know that these challenges that I’m whining about today is going to be different tomorrow.
TTFN!
See ya When I See ya! - Hime Yume
Love is the one I’m referring to when I said warmth in my heart. Yes, of course, I’m also human. I also feel those emotions that you could describe as very mushy or disgusting. Well, I also have a certain person who made my heart flutter every time I see him and at the same time, break my heart into pieces every time I remember that I can never have him. It’s sad but the moment he told me earlier that he appreciates my gift for him this Christmas with all those smiles he gives out unusually, I couldn’t help but melt inside. Sigh. If only…
Anyway, I just find it depressing when I found out that I got pretty low grades. Yeah. The last time I wrote that I got low grades yet now, I’m still groaning about it. Yes, I’m quite disappointed with my self because I got low grades in my minor subjects which are also known as electives. Well, I keep telling my self to be excellent in these fields because they can help a lot in order for me to maintain my standards yet with all these stupid efforts, I still got low grades… sigh. If only I could turn back time.
Well, there was a heart-breaking news that my class had heard from one of our most-loved teachers. My favorite subject, Social Studies, with our lovable instructor is going to be my most loathed subject if the news would be confirmed. Wanna know why? It’s because, our teacher is going to be replaced by some loony pervert of a monster (I’m referring to the other Social Studies teacher of our level)!!! I’m not lying but the other teacher is a total PERVERT and he’s got favoritism, meaning if you’re a boy, ha, you lose! Gosh, I love my Social Studies teacher because he’s really the best of the best! I can’t have him being replaced yet what can I do? Well, as for my part, I wanted to make the most out of my favorite subject so whenever there are instances that I would need his assistance in relation to our subject because the substitute teacher is being stupid and useless, I wouldn’t hesitate in doing so.
So for now, I’ll stick to my usual happy sugar high stage and feel the warmth that reigns in my heart for I know that these challenges that I’m whining about today is going to be different tomorrow.
TTFN!
See ya When I See ya! - Hime Yume
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
New year, new frustrations
Hello everyone! It’s been a long time since I last updated this blog of mine. Well, before everything else, I want to greet all of you a Happy New Year!
School’s up again and I’m sort of baffled for some of our tests grades were shown to us already and I did get the shock of my life for I got pretty low grades in some of my major subjects. I know I did pass the line but it wasn’t enough for me. Basically, a part of me is still having a hard time keeping up with my supposed to be daily routine during school days is because I almost spent my holidays either in front of my computer and television or hanging out at near by centers.
Well, I know that it’s kinda hard to strive for something that we want to have. Like for my grades, my other classmen would just react as if I’m bragging but really, it’s depressing not to get what you really want for satisfaction. Honestly, i've never been this depressed for my grades ever since but i can't help it. Probably because of monsters in my head or my anime fantasies these holidays...
I admit that these Christmas vacation, I got the freedom to be lazy and watch programs all the time or surf the internet all day long but probably, after those leisure time, I still came back to my reality where people strive to be on top and just feel pressure.
In spite of all these little difficulties that I’m sure we’ve all been to, I still believe that being in high school is a time of our lives and we have to enjoy every bits of it coz in time, these parts of our lives will be the ones we wanted to remember from our little past.
School’s up again and I’m sort of baffled for some of our tests grades were shown to us already and I did get the shock of my life for I got pretty low grades in some of my major subjects. I know I did pass the line but it wasn’t enough for me. Basically, a part of me is still having a hard time keeping up with my supposed to be daily routine during school days is because I almost spent my holidays either in front of my computer and television or hanging out at near by centers.
Well, I know that it’s kinda hard to strive for something that we want to have. Like for my grades, my other classmen would just react as if I’m bragging but really, it’s depressing not to get what you really want for satisfaction. Honestly, i've never been this depressed for my grades ever since but i can't help it. Probably because of monsters in my head or my anime fantasies these holidays...
I admit that these Christmas vacation, I got the freedom to be lazy and watch programs all the time or surf the internet all day long but probably, after those leisure time, I still came back to my reality where people strive to be on top and just feel pressure.
In spite of all these little difficulties that I’m sure we’ve all been to, I still believe that being in high school is a time of our lives and we have to enjoy every bits of it coz in time, these parts of our lives will be the ones we wanted to remember from our little past.
See ya when I see ya!
Hime Yume
PS.
Are there any Japanese speaking people around Blogger.com who is/are willing to kinda teach me some basics? Well, I really need help when it comes to my communication skills involving this language. It's quite a requirement for me to learn something out of this language before I step to Junior high next year... sigh... Any help would be really apprecieated! :) I just can't attend classes because school hours is long
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