Wasted...

I’m not in a good disposition right now.

Although I got a lot of things and achievements for my self, I still feel lost, alone and odd among the others. I barely have someone to talk to because my heart wants to burst due to certain emotions. I can’t find my place, I’m disturbed. I just want to cry yet I wouldn’t want to.

I am happy with what I can achieve and with what I am right now but it’s just that I don’t have people to turn to when I’m in need emotionally. It is like I live alone in an empty house with no doors and windows. Before I was stoic but now, I can’t even get a grip of my feelings. I’m all ruined and confused. If it wasn’t for my faithful and fighting will, maybe I would have been dead by now due to depression and overwhelming solitary sensation.

I want to force my bubbly character out once more but my spirit of glee must have expired long enough for me to forget how to really feel joy. Somehow, I am thankful to have few friends left to hold on to, keeping me half-sane but unfortunately, they can’t understand the way I’m feeling right now and how deeply I am hurt. No doubt, I feel so stupid and all. It’s so frustrating…