Thoughts Before Christmas

I'm back!

I didn't expect to be updating this time but since I came back early from the movies, I'd take advantage of the opportunity. Aside from watching a movie and having a chilled drink at a cozy cafe, I finally bought myself a Christmas gift! Guess what it is? A book of course! I soo adore Philippa Gregory's Other Boleyn Girl and because of that, I grabbed the chance to pamper my self with a simple joy when I find a discounted copy of it at a new book store called Bestsellers in Robinson's Galleria.

Speaking of Bestsellers, I found the specialty shop very cozy and accommodating because there not clutter in browsing through the numerous aisle of wonderful titles ranging from hard to find American graphic novels to award-winning novels both foreign and local. Customers are also offered comfortable seats where they can read through the books before purchasing them. It feels like heaven for bibliophiles like me! Of course, I still love hanging out at Powerbooks. And to think that Powerbooks, Bestsellers and National Bookstore are owned by same people, I can't understand my weird liking for the two earlier shops. :D

Moving on from books and shops, I made an ultimatum for myself. You see, I have this disorder called nail-biting whenever I'm tense or nervous or in a pressured state since I was a kid and I want to get rid of it. While I'm trying to fight the urge to bite, I can't do it successfully at times because I know that I can bite those dead cells off without hurting myself. But hey, I'm like, 16 years old already and it's unpleasant to see nails like that. To primarily solve my problem, I applied blue nail polish with unpleasant smell and taste on my fingernails in order to alarm me whenever I am to put my fingernails on my mouth. But still, I hope that I can still wear them at school for continuous progress, ne? Ganbatte for me!

Referring to my earlier account of watching a movie, I actually watched the controversial film The Golden Compass. Many rumors and accusations are heard about the film and the first novel of the His Dark Material trilogy, the Northern Lights by Philip Pullman, the inspiration of the said movie, but I didn't really pass my judgment on whether it's actually against the Catholic Church or not for I wasn't able to see the movie or read the book myself. Things are different now though for I had the luxury of watching the film.

Based on my observation, there is nothing about the film that mentions ideas against any religion. The way I see it, the source of conflict is because of the similarities of the history of the Catholic Church wherein it was said that the authorities incarcerated those who are believed to be practicing witchcraft and sorcery as well as forcing people of other beliefs into Catholicism. The similarities I noticed are all based on history which happened before the Reformation, Counter Reformation and the organization of the Vatican II. I, myself, am a Catholic and I do not think that such film could easily influence the faithful if they have real belief in the teachings and authority of God. Though I haven't read the book, from what I can judge so far, I can say that the Golden Compass possesses a great story line and interesting elements regardless of the countless possible interpretations. It will be a shame if people will pass judgment on something based on the opinions of others. In logic speak, that will be a fallacy of authority, Argumentum Vericundiam. See, I do learn a thing or two from my Logic Class.

Anyway, I still have to work hard to raise my SAT II scores in Math level 1, Biology and Physics. I so want to get high scores on those tests. I can kill a plant in exchange of an 800 in all those subject tests *dreaming awake*. Aside from those tests, I also have to prepare for the DOST-SEI scholarship exam and the MTAP qualification exam which will all happen on January. That is so sad! I'm just enjoying my two-week vacation from school but still, the mentioned stuffs are for me when I step into college right? On top of the upcoming tests, I am also awaiting for the results of the UPCAT, ACET and USTET. My life depends on those tests.

Seems like my Christmas wishes will be delayed for some time.

Happy Holidays! :D

Love, Allyne

P.S. I’d like you all to greet my friend, SEV/AP E-I-C, A HAPPY BIRTHDAY! *pops a party popper*

High on Mistletoes

Time sure passes by quickly.

Yesterday seemed to be January yet now, I am already experiencing the chill of December nights. This just explains how we should make every moment of our lives count. May it be the happiest or the saddest of memories, every minute we spend each day contributes to another learning experience here on earth.
So much for introductions…

Last Wednesday, I made one of the “last” memories I need to make before I finally say good bye to high school – Senior Christmas Party. It makes me feel so old! I’ve been attending Christmas parties for since kindergarten days and to think that I finally made the last one for my high school days. Of course, this year’s celebration became extra special because my batch did it all together. Obviously, the idea seemed a bit corny because we are like older now and we were still playing stuff like newspaper dance, tug-O-war, obstacle race and some stuff like that.

After the games galore, we proceeded to our classrooms and had our mini-food fest sponsored by Shakey’s (minus the pizza –how ironic, ne?). It’s not that significant so let’s move on to the most exciting part of parties – gifts! Anyway, I’m über happy because I got, like, two Neil Gaiman books in just 30 minutes. The first book I received was a movie-based edition of Stardust though I’d really love to have the Stardust copy with its original binding. Still, thanks SG President for that wonderful gift!!! Of course, I also received with teary-eyes a rare (in the Philippine context) book called Good Omens (Black Edition)written by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman from a super generous friend! I’m also sooooo thankful to all the other people who gave me love in the form of gift this season. At least you remembered me. I’m also so sorry if I wasn’t able to do a proper Christmas shopping for you guys due to two terrible causes: 1.) My shopping-allergic Dad and, 2.) The EVIL Periodic Tests. I hope to spread my cause probably on Graduation season which, unfortunately, won’t be to long.

Gee, I sure missed a lot of memories for I became the Christmas gift shopper of a certain father person when I was supposed to be coming along with my friends for some happy tripping. I’m so sad about that. Sigh, past is past right?

Well, I finally got my results for the SATs and guess what? I still suck at Math…surprise, surprise. Anyway, I suppose that it was destined for me to get a so-so score for a total of 1600. With this at hand, I really need to do my best for the SAT II on January. Ganbatte! What a holiday it’s going to be for me. Somebody please teach me electromagnetism! Onegai shimasu!

On the happier note, I’m finally done with my Christmas shopping for my family’s exchange of gifts. Yayness!

For Christmas, aside from world peace and economic prosperity to the Philippines, I also wish to have copies of Yun Kouga-sensei’s Loveless manga series. Why is it so difficult to buy stuff like those here in the Philippines? See, if you want to give me an ideal gift, I’d recommend that you just give me novels. Not much of the classic ones though. It is not that I don’t like classic books; in fact I really adore them. The thing is I feel unworthy of keeping them.

It seems that I have already filled you with some of my usual hyperactivity these past few days. Can you feel Christmas? I do. Let's all have fun!

I just realized that so many things happened in my life this past three days and maybe you’ve had enough of my wildness. I suppose that I might not be able to keep in touch with you soon so, I wish you all a wonderful Christmas!

'Til my next entry!

Manga Tiangge!

Good evening everyone! Did you miss me?

For the meantime, I’m just going to advertise some stuff. I am planning of concentrating my manga collection so in short, I’m currently selling used copies of the following manga titles:

Land of the Blindfolded (Tsukuba Sakura) vol. 3 and 4 [English]
Gals! (Mihona Fujii) Vol. 1 [Japanese]
Inuyasha (Rumiko Takahashi) vol. 1 [Japanese]
Yu-Gi-Oh! (Kazuki Takahashi) vol. 7 [English]
Card Captor Sakura AniManga (Clamp) Vol. 1 [Japanese]
Rurouni Kenshin (Nobuhiro Watsuki) Vol. 1 [English]

Don’t worry, since the stuffs listed above are used and it’s Christmas season, the price is amenable. If you are interested, post a comment or email me for details. Thanks!

Would you believe?

Sunshine After the Storm

*Sheepishly peeks*

It’s almost the end of November and I haven’t written a single entry. Maybe it’s because I was/am enslaved by academics and extra curricular activities that I can only comb my hair twice a day. Not that I don’t really care about my packaging but honestly, I don’t really need to impress anyone at the moment and spend my time combing my untamable mane.

Concerning the past three weeks, nothing major really happened in my life. Mid term test did occur and other academic stuff like quizzes and home works occupied most of my time but exciting isn’t the right word to describe such activities (though they say that I seem to enjoy nerd stuff).

Ah, I almost forgot! Well, I also participated in laying-out the Ang Paglalayag which is quite thrilling activity though my favorite part is staying late at the publication office with some peers and just do stuff. It has been quite a while since I seriously attended to my job as the managing ed. of the Ang Paglalayag. I really miss writing away my thoughts like this. But…I do miss singing too.

Of course, I can’t cut my self into two and attend both the Coro San Antonio and the Sapientia et Virtus/Ang Paglalayag training and meeting sessions. If I could, then I should have done it a long time ago. I just hate it when people ask me why I am not somewhere I was “supposed” to be. For now, I’m happy with both organizations because I am able to channel my talents not because I want to please someone. My shortcomings do not justify my entire being.

Enough of the drama and stuff, it’s time to have fun!

Heart-warming it is to help other people especially when you can feel and see that they appreciate what you are doing for them.

I felt this simple fulfillment when I joined the GABAY Immersion program today which was sponsored by my school. My classmates and I were able to interact with 35 children in need of education and care. Though I’m not that good with children, I got along fine with my tutees for the day. I just feel so sad for them because as children, it was not really their choice to be slumped into such difficult state. On the other hand, I appreciate how blessed I am for being able to live in a more comfortable manner. I hope that more able people will be aware of what is happening outside their selfish shells.

I guess I got carried away for this entry to get this long. Making up for the lost opportunity I suppose.

May God bless us all!

Wanted: Plain and Simple

I love you.

Those three little words. So easy to say, so complicated to fulfill.

We often say I love you when we really meant I like you. Lovers just say I love you amidst a quarrel when they ought to say I’m sorry. Struggling married couples thought that by just simply saying I love you once more will make every troubles go away.

The depth of words is so powerful that these should not be mistaken as some tool in order to save one’s self from sticky situations that he has put upon himself. Feeling is necessary to truly extend one’s message. Irresponsibly uttering words like I love you for different reasons does not make things easier but the other way around. Because the words that we speak diverge from what we really mean, everyone involved gets confused and leads us to no progress.

Such dilemma is the reason why I hate rhetorically inclined people and the frivolous words they wear on their sleeves. They dress up reality with such beautiful yet deceitful words, confusing people deprived of experience and critic. I sincerely believe that words are fascinating gifts given to humans for the better understanding and development of his own race.

When such blessings are abused, the price is difficult to pay. It has been only after paying for such upshot that I learned an important lesson in life – ‘Wag mo ng sabihin kung di mo ibig sabihin. Don’t say it when you don’t really mean it.

Tales Longed to be Told

Time flies fast when you are having fun.

I did not realize how long it has been since I last dropped by. See, I finally formulated an alternate for ‘since I last updated’. Kudos for me!

Apparently, September became an über eventful month. Experiences ranging the transformation from a regular student taking his final tests to a chorale singer to a campus journalist and back to being a regular student once more occurred in 30 days. It’s like being a caterpillar undergoing a metamorphosis in order to fly and become a beautiful butterfly. LOL! If only…

Of course, I want to congratulate the CORO SAN ANTONIO! After all the drama of everyday practices, it is indeed a fulfillment, being able to pull off the best we can for the MUSIKAPELLA 2007 and thankfully, with God’s intervention, we even managed to become the 1st Runner Up of the said event. Some of you might think ‘Duh, it’s only 1st runner up…why are you so happy about it?’ and I respect that perspective. Though I must say, the practices were quite rough and we even encountered conflicts that really tested the strength of our team spirit. Enough of the reminiscent of the difficulties…at least everything ended well, right? Before mentioning other stuff, I would like to express my thanks to all those who supported our group from the beginning ‘til the end. Big or small, material or not, you help really boosted our spirits to lift up our voices and sing! Arigato Gozaimasu, minna-san!

How can I forget my first love? After singing the OPM love songs Minsan Lang Kitang Iibigin and Kahit Ika’y Panaginip Lang for Musikapella, I changed my costume once more and don my Sapientia et Virtus/Ang Paglalayag (SEV/AP) character along with my trusty pen and paper.

It has been, like, a tradition, for the members of the SEV/AP to participate in the yearly Liyab Journalism Fellowship sponsored by The Torch Publication of the Philippine Normal University. And this year, I was like given no choice if I were to go or not to the said event because for one, I consider the expense of the said two-day affair since I still have and want to participate in the upcoming Secondary Schools’ Division Press Conference to be held at the Quezon City Science High School which will also cost me some kachings. Earlier, I mentioned about the Musikapella and the preparation for the said event cost me a week’s absence from class. I worry that I might not be able to fulfill my responsibilities as a student if I acquire a week more of absence from my classes. Anyway, I still jumped into the unknown waters and found myself in the said event. I’m just happy that even though things in that said event didn’t really go according to the wants of the others, I am sure that God has a better plan for all of us. I’m so thankful that during the time of hopelessness, He is always there to come and save the day. He’s a real hero!

Oh, I forgot to mention that last September 23, 2007, I took the University of Santo Tomas Entrance Test. But thankfully, it was not as difficult compared to UPCAT and ACET. Thank God!

As for the teacher who really likes to make a hell out of my life, I figured that there's nothing I can do about his power trips. I just have to get used to it and go with his whims. Anyway, I won't benefit from crying over spilled milk.

Enough whining! Start Smiling!

‘til my next sensible entry!

Love you!

Triumphs and Lovelessnes

When all hope is lost, Someone will come and save the day…I now believe.

After going through a hell of a week, I didn’t expect that yesterday, Friday, would serve to be one of the best days of my life. Words could not express how glad I am. I believe that He guided us all the way and I’m very thankful. Congratulations Seniors 2007 – 2008! Way to go Sapientia et Virtus/Ang Paglalayag Staff! I’m not going to write down all the details here, I just want to extend my happiness to you. So unlike me, ne?


Reopened scars. I actually feel it right now. I don’t know but after I watched the anime LOVELESS, emotions I thought were gone suddenly stirred within me. Maybe it was just because I somehow can relate to the emotions expressed throughout the episodes but hey, isn’t it that this is supposed to go away after a night or so? Things are so insane right now and I can’t really think straight. It is a bit too much and I really need to get a grip of my self. For years of being an anime and manga addict ranging from horror to comedy, this is actually the first time I’ve been hit hard by a series. Anyway, I learned a really important lesson from Loveless and I guess I should live by it.

Mushiness aside, I’m really looking forward to going to the 28th Manila International Book Fair at the World Trade Center. I wanna go! I wanna go! I’m sorry for being so disoriented.

'Til my next entry!

Damaged Perfection

When I stepped inside our house, half of my kawaii outfit for today is dripping wet, my right-sided bun is disheveled, my blue bag looks watery. In short, I got soaked.

Corny…

Setting that aside, I’m so happy today!

Though I went to my review class this morning, afterwards, I got the chance to do one of my favorite hobbies – strolling.

(What?! Strolling?! Is that even a hobby?!) Well, I’m sorry for having this kind of inclination! (JOKE!)

You see, I can feel serenity overflowing me when ever I go to a populated place and do nothing aside from walking or sitting on a comfortable spot while watching people go about their thing or sometimes, read a book. Before, when I’m not that busy, I used to go to probably the mall or the nearby park and take a stroll every Saturday, taking it like some sort of freedom from all the engagements and worries that I have. I don’t know but I love doing this. Alone or not, it feels great especially now that I haven’t done this for like 3 months.

I’M GREAT!

Well, not totally… someone’s been at my throat for quite sometime already. You know the feeling that you are trying to be respectable and natural and all but a certain person makes you feel so wrong and worthless. I’m not having an emotional misfit here but the thing is, the person I’m talking about is one of my teachers. Yeah… talk about feeling so inferior. Whenever I speak in his class, I don’t know if he’s intentionally making me feel that I’m wrong when he’s just asking for an opinion. (There, I gave it away.) I admit that I’m not really that good in his subject but it doesn’t mean that he has to belittle me. For years, all that I have right now is all because of hard work and now, I can’t believe that he’s doing this to me. Is he challenging me or he just hates me? All the intellectual confidence I have seemed to vamoose whenever he’s in the room. He doesn’t even try to be nice. I hate power trips. I want to talk to him about this but I’m having second thoughts. Hello, he’s like my teacher and half of my Senior year depends on the numbers he’s gonna write on my report card. I fear that he’s not even open-minded about this kind of stuff. What a pain…

So many circumstances, so little time. Illogical teacher, upcoming tests, emotional friends, insensitive classmates, approaching competitions, nosy mother, unstable emotions, restless mind, name it. I need a break. Cut me some slack please… so far, my life’s a bit complicated.

Well, the rain has stopped and I’m dried now. I’m in desperate need of sleep so I got to zoom to my bed. You take a rest too. How can a perfect day feel so imperfect?

Sigh…

Pray for me. Love you!

Randomness

With five days long with no school, I still can't believe that there are many things I still have t accomplish. Right now, I'm just skipping out of doing my Visual Basic Project. Grarr... it took me almost half a day to finish it. I'm such a slow worker.

Anyway, I've been a Senior student for approximately 3 months and I'm still suprised that I'm already at Senior high school. Get what I mean? Well, I know you don't so let's not dwell much about that. Maybe I'm still adjusting (duh, it's been three months, who am I kidding?). And I really get a bit scared when the adults around me start talking about what's gonna happen after 6 - 7 months later. Don't you think we should all focus on the PRESENT? Sigh. You see, I still have to pass my NCAE and my UPCAT and ACET and USTET and other college tests and my periodical examinations and of course, my Senior year. I want to enjoy the last few months of high school because there only one high school life. Gosh, I'm being too sentimental right now. Is it the rain that's gotten into me?

Anyway, who cares? Hahaha!

'Til my next post!

Post Headaches and Senseless Talks

Right now, I’m experiencing the last of the post-exam headache I had earlier.

Gosh, I didn’t expect it to be that rigorous. Five hours straight and I’m not even comfortable in my seat! Well, at least the venue’s air-conditioned. I’m not sure if I did well. I think I did what I can. I mean, I know I’m not so good in math but I tried my best to apply the principles I know. After all, what’s done is done. All I can do now is pray and wait. And yeah, I forgot, I’d still be taking my ACET (Ateneo College Entrance Test) by early September so I still need to prepare for it. So maybe, while I wait for my UPCAT results, I’d study once more. Is anyone there willing to teach me high school math? Honestly, I think I need a math tutor.

Anyway, I don’t think I’m making sense here. You see, there’s this friend-love feud that happened this July. Yeah, you read it right. Don’t get to surprised you meanie! I don’t know if it’s over but I still won’t tell you the details here. But if you really want to know…I’ll think about it. Duh, I may sound cheery and blah here, that incident hurt me so much. What the heck is going on?! Sorry, I’m going so insane right now. So that's the reason why I'm not really able to update during the past month. Sorry peeps.

So much for that. I’ve got to sign off for now. Have to wake up early tomorrow and I need to shake off this left over headache. Well, pray that I’d be writing more of my adventures soon.

‘Til my next entry!

Butterflies inside my head

Whew! It’s been a while since I updated…ages ago?

(*_*)? Did you notice that a number of my entries start with that effing line? Sheesh! Nuff said! Teehee!

After spending my precious summer vacation brooding over the future college life, the first test is about to come – UPCAT (University of the Philippines College Admission Test). And this University of the Philippines is so prestigious and I want to study Medicine here. Honestly, I’M SCARED AND NERVOUS! And it’s freaking me out! (See the butterflies fluttering inside my stomach?) I so want to get into this university but I’m not sure if I’m that prepared…duh, I suck in mathematics and I’m so-so in science. Anyway, I know I studied. I’ve been studying my whole twelve years! I can do this! Pray for me! I hope to do my best!

I’ll update soon if I get over the pre-test and post-test worries… please support me.

‘Till next update! Love you! Post your comments ok?

Grasping for Air

Finally, I've calmed down.

If you have read my previous entry entitled "Emotionally Distressing Species: BOYS", you must have felt the intensity of my emotions embedded on the words I used. But just like any other incidents, after a day or so, my anger and all the strong, negative emotions evaporated out of my body like water.

I'm not angry at HIM anymore and I don't know why. I can't get angry for a long period of time and I also don't know why. I even talked to Him earlier for quite some time. I don't know how I do it but maybe, I'm not really the type of person who hold grudges. And I think that it's a good thing.

My friends say that I'm so forgiving and considerate to those who do me wrong but I don't think that it's such a bad thing. Maybe we should all learn it. After all, I just got a year older last June 21 so I'm supposed to be a year wiser too. And that includes maturity but still, GIRLS, never let guys use you for their gain! NEVER EVER!

Emotionally Distressing Species: BOYS

When you're with him, he'll just shove you away or disregard you but when everything's over between you and both of you agreed to just being friends, he keeps bugging and bragging about you being his ex-girlfriend.

Sounds familiar?

Apparently, I've got my taste of this abnormal mental/personality disorder of the other species known as "BOYS". (Sorry for the redundance, I just have to express my feelings over the matter at hand!)

I have been nice and friendly to this person after we decided that everything between us was so off, just like when we are really "just friends". I've moved on and returned to my usual jolly/happy/bubbly/hyper self after some time. I even have found a new set of "fondness" for other guys which was a very big step and proof that I am SO OVER Him now. But since Him is my best guy bud since freshman year, I decided to tell Him about this other person which I'll refer to as "Fondness". Well, Him and Fondness are on the same "barkada" but I trust Him enough that he'll not tell. True to his word, Him didn't tell Fondness about my "feelings".

BUT...

Even though Him didn't tell Fondness about me, Him is constantly blurting out the "fact" that the two of us, Him and I, were once together especially when Fondness is around. The more I try to subdue the subject and still try to be nice, Him continues to blab about that past experience which is quite illogical for Him to do because when we were still together, Him never really cared that much about me except for the earlier days of our relationship. Him told me before that his (Him) hostile attitude towards me is like that because he's intimidated by me due to my status at school which is still unreasonable. It really degrades and disgusts me when I think of that kind of treatment Him gave me in front of Fondness. I felt like some recycled trash but there's no way I'm going to let Him do that to me again. How dare he do that to me.

So to all the BOYS out there, kindly think before you act... probably at least a million times so that you won't hurt your egos. Such act is really proving the fact that you really make use of your stupidity most of the time.

You might think that I am being bitter here. You might be right but I'm just stating my side based on the happening of this day. I'd fairly accept any reaction towards this entry if there will be coming from the side of the BOYS and even the MEN. I still believe that the other species of the human race is still subdivided into two, the majority known as BOYS and the almost extinct beings named as MEN.

This kind of guy makes me puke... I admit the stupidity on my part on ever relating myself to such guy who sees me as his TROPHY EX-GIRLFRIEND. What a jerk!

'Til my next entry!

Gakuen Alice Overload

I am so obsessed with Gakuen Alice right now!

As in hyper actively adicted! I don't know what to do? eh!?

Can someone nice out there tell me where I can buy/download/read the chapter 19 - 28 of Gakuen Alice? I'd really appreciate it!!!

Otaku overload!

'Til my next entry!

Seniors and Addictions

Konnichiwa minna-san!

Well, when summer vacation comes to a close what comes next?

Maybe you all know what am I gonna blab about this time right? Tee Hee!

Drum roll please!

ANOTHER SCHOOL YEAR!

Wow! What a surprise! Sarcasm dripping all over the place…

Sigh, it’s true. I’m back to school and I’m already a senior student. Time flies so fast! It seems like yesterday, I’m just the freshman transferee wandering at the corridors of my new school but now, I’m at my last high school year, ready to reminisce the past years behind me.

Putting those sentiments aside, so much has happened (already!) this first week of school that there’s little room for sadness!

First on the list are the classmates because they’d be my second family for some 10 months of my life. Like what I’ve been hearing and fearing during the summer, there became two cream sections wherein the top 90 of the batch were distributed to two sections. The odd-numbered ones like me became a part of Quezon while the even-numbered ones went to Magsaysay. Things are okay with me that way; it’s just that most of my close friends are at Magsay and I’m not used to being apart from them. Now, I have less time to spend with them – early mornings, recess, lunch and dismissal. The feeling is like when I was a freshman. Change is the only permanent thing in the world, ne?

Next is the fun day. Honestly speaking, Fun day is not really that fun for me during the past years but now, for the first time, it became better especially when you are a part of the leaders. I don’t know but I feel good but I must admit that I didn’t really enjoy the games ‘coz I’m not really into that kind of amusement. I’m such a kill joy! Hahaha!

Unlike the past three years, I’m not this year’s class president and I’m not really sure of how to react to this. I’m somewhat happy because at least I get lighter workload unlike before but I’m also a bit queasy because I’m used to always being on the spot, doing this and that for my class. Well, life must go on and who knows, there might be better opportunities out there.

Last of my concerns are the guys around me though I have to admit that I’m really desperate for inspiration. I’m really looking for a guy who can make my pupils turn into heart shape just like in the anime! My heart needs a rest and I need focus so inspiration is enough for now.

You must be tired with this über long entry! I’m sorry for not updating for quite some time. I’ve been a bit busy with my boring life (What is that?!) and I need to control my self and focus a lot if I want an excellent future! Please bear with me… hehehe!

P.S. Does anyone of you know where I can find scanslation of volume 4 and 5 of Gakuen Alice (Alice Academy) over the net that I can download? I’m currently in a Gakuen Alice hyper addiction mode! Please leave me a message if so. A million kissies in advance! Mwah!

‘Til my next entry!

Randomly Generated

TaDah! It's Dullsville!

Sigh, this are all so wrong. I can't seem to do things the way I want to do them. Hahaha, well, I've got to get a grip of my self and return to my normal self. I'm gonna be okay, right?

Anyway, boredom is totally torturing me. Maybe I need to change a bit, eh? Try to take things a bit lighter? Smile more often? And be less uptight?

Oh my, it's gonna be an interesting year ahead with all my energy laid at rest this summer season.

School! Here I come!

'Til my next entry!

Insane Mental Memorabilia

Howdy peepz!

I've been quite busy these past 2 weeks with my simultaneous scholastic activities namely Journalism class and College Admission Test Review with extra individual study here at home. Actually, I'm just resting a bit from refreshing my mathematics booklets here near my desk. I look so haggard right now that I could hardly recognize myself with my eyes puffy and my hair disarray. I know, I know. Total turn-off!

Geez, so many bloopers happened in my life. I am so clumsy! My favorite was when I was riding the usual jeepney to my review class, I know that I am supposed to get off near New Era in Diliman. Not realizing it yet, I was really smiling with my eyes half open as when I saw the sign Quezon City Memorial Circle. My eyes widened and with panicky voice I asked the driver to drop me off the nearest sidewalk. I ran past the sea of college students heading to the jeepney terminal heading to the UP campus and got on the first jeepney headed to my school. I calmed down when I got on to the jeepney. Thankfully, it was only 7:29 on my watch. My eyes widened once more -- MY CLASS STARTS AT 7:30!!! I was totally laughing at myself mentally when I got of the jeepney and ran for it. I am usually the earliest during classes and meetings so it's a totally irony for me! Gosh... luckily, our proctor isn't there yet. And to my extreme suprise, NO ONE'S THERE YET! I looked at my watch once more. It reads 7:38 am, May 3, Thursday. I felt the whole world crashed on me. I looked at my cellphone to check if I'm going insane or what. The digital clock says 6:53 am Fri-May-04. So much for my rush.

Anyway, I got to go now. Concentration needed to pass the entrance tests of the top universities and colleges of the country. Sheesh, maybe next time, I'll look better. Wish me coolness!

'Til my next entry!

Bummer

Rattled.

I am so rattled right now. As in total panic mode! There are loads of things stuck in my mind right now namely college course to take, UPCAT, other college applications, college life in general, money, boys, family, health, social life, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. It is so funny that I’m always thinking about stuff in the future and all that blah, blah.

Anyway, I’m still stuck in the middle of choosing between the course which interests me or the course which can give me money. Grarrr… Life is so unfair. There are so many things that I want to do yet there’s so little time. If only I’m so rich, I’d take all the courses I want! Hahahaha! As if that’s easy to do…

I’m so screwed up and wasted right now but not in drunkeness nor drugs though...

'Til my next un-wasted entry!

P.S. I think I need an emotion management class... LOL!

Spring Solstice by Ia Marie Donna B. Cruz

When teardrops fall from one’s eyes, hear silence
For the river of sadness opens once more
To pour out bitterness that runs down sore
A heart aching in a soul that weeps still
Falls to tiny pieces of memories
Of promises seemingly true before
Yet all broken in a sudden moment
To deal with previous mistakes left in doubt
As fate, seemingly playful, intervened
Leaving one in grief with all confusion
Yet Sorrow’s Course takes all the pain away
For memoirs of an anguished then leaves
As each tear drop goes by slowly with time
To heal obscure wounds of a lonely heart

-- Spring Solstice
by Ia Marie Donna B. Cruz

*Spring Solstice is the first real sonnet I wrote which was inspired by my heartache with my close guy friend. Fortunately, after this sad poem was written, we became friends once more but until now, I haven't thought of making him read this. In case you wanted to copy this, please always include my name and title properly as a sign of respect. This poem is pretty personal to me so I hope you'd understand.

Hello Sunshine!

Summer’s officially in!

Finally, I can stretch and move around more freely after all the weeks of restrictions, commitments and scholastic stuff. I want to do loads of activities for this summer but I know I’ve got to set up my priorities so that I’ll have a set of accomplishments before the season ends, right? Haha. No wonder I already have things in mind that I would like to share with you though you might find some of them to be so-not-cool! :)

- Get refreshed with all my past lessons in order to pass all the colleges and universities
that I wanted to get into after high school.
- Overcome my not-so-good mannerisms like nail biting and frequent day dreaming
- Have enough sleep for the rest of the season
- Meet new people!
- Continue teaching Tagalog to some interested Westerners
- Do an emotional check and be more nice to people
- Lose some weight! This is a step to a healthier lifestyle!
- Do some charity works.
- Be more trusting to people who already asked for my forgiveness and I’ve already
forgiven. They should have earned it by now, right?
- Be more outspoken
- Read more novels for some amusement
- Hit the beach (or pool) at least twice
- And lastly (at least for now), express to connect! People won’t understand me if I won’t
myself be understood right?

I don’t really know what’s really gonna happen for the rest of my summer break but so far, so good. I mean, we all want to do a lot of things in our lives especially when we have some time to spare but when certain circumstances occur then, it’s up to us on how we’re gonna act to it. For now, I just want to perfectly fill up my application form for the University of the Philippines and maybe everything will follow afterwards.

I’ll keep you updated!

‘Til my next entry!

Foolin' Around and Spiritual Reverie

I totally can't believe that I missed posting some trips of mine for APRIL FOOLS' DAY! So sad...

Anyway, I just poured out my hyperactive laugh trip to my younger sister who wasn't very happy about it and until now had been throwing me dagger looks. Totally creepy I must say! If it wasn't for the 'breakdown moment' of my computer, I wouldn't be experiencing the piercing looks of my sister...

Well, as we made fun of ourselves and of others, April 1 also marked the start of the Holy Week for Catholics like me. This week is special for me since I came to my spiritual senses when I was thirteen years old. Despite the fact that other nations and Christian denominations do not celebrate this kind of reminiscent of the passion, death and ressurection of Christ, I happen to feel the stronger truth in my faith with the help of this week-long commemoration. Although this week have fall backs -- no computer. no television., I can say that 1 week against 47 other weeks of the year wherein I can freely use the gadgets and electronics I want is just a small sacrifice.

Can't wait for Easter!

'Til my next entry!

Transparency of the Mind

Growing up in an atmosphere where achievements are thought to be wealth and expectations are often high, I became a strong person well enough to surpass academic and real life challenges.

With a span of nine years and counting, I can say that I do well enough in most of my activities and endeavors. Despite such fact, I don’t prefer calling myself as an achiever but rather, a worker. Contrary to what most of my fellows think, I am no genius. I am not the type who encloses my self to academic issues nor do I only converse with people who can calculate the square root of 9,572 mentally or one who could recount vividly the history of the Roman Empire. In reality, I’m quite a shallow person who finds joy in eating a scoop of Double Dutch-flavored ice cream once a week and is amused by watching The Simpsons.

I am quite open with the fact that I’m not very gifted in a certain area of learning but, I do know that I am blessed with certain talents I use in different ways at my advantage. Although I am not a soloist, I can hit high notes well enough as a member of the school chorale. I may not be the best news writer within the school paper organization but I take it to heart that I do my duty well in terms of delivering information and searching for the truth. My ideas might not be always the best for all yet I see my importance as an individual capable of leading. As a person, I know that each one is given distinctive abilities to match his personality; it’s just up to us to see it. And on my part, I know that I’m so far successful in terms of developing and turning my undersized talents into giant assets to reach my stars.

Though many are amazed with geniuses, I still admire people who strive hard to be where they are now because I see myself in them. Workers, in many different figurative meanings, have the best experience in life as they’ve gone through hardships and trials before eventually fulfilling the goals they want to meet. As I am a worker of my own, my journey of becoming the person I am right now is the best description of who I am.

Toughened by time, this is who I am -- a diamond with a charcoal façade.

Stitchin' Prom Patchwork

A lot of people of my senior are fond of reminiscing about their promenade experience. Some of them fondly called it in different names like “Prom”, “Soiree”, etc. yet the essence remains the same.

Before I wrote this entry, I pondered on the connection of the events during own promenade. It has been about a month and a half since the prom night and it is just now that i realize how different and surreal that experience was. As I have written on my previous entry, I really had a hard time “judging” my prom experience but now, I’m ready to fully narrate my night as a princess. :)

At first, the sound of the word “prom” made my ears cringe in fear. Apparently, this is because I’m just your typical, top-of-the-books high school student and I personally thought that “prom” is another way of revealing my “uncoolness”. Haha!

Well, I can’t really say that I’m totally closed to the idea of a prom. In fact, my parents were more excited of that fact that I’m gonna have my prom wherein they can dress me up in a lady-like fashion and I can’t say more about that.

The one of the highlights of the “Juniors’ Prom ‘07” is the inter-section ballroom dancing presentation wherein my class danced variations of Rumba, Waltz, Mambo and Jive. Unfortunately for my part, my partner has two left feet and is not THAT willing to dance well during practices if it wasn’t for the persuasion of some of my boy buds. I’m so lucky to have those guys around. :)

Coolness will be the word I want to use for my dress though at first, I thought of it to be very over decorated and too extravagant for the occasion. During the prom night, I donned a purple with lavender overlay corset style dress with intricate beadwork and embroidery. I decided to go easy on the accessories with a simple necklace with a pearl, pearl earrings and a moon-charmed bracelet. In response to this year’s prom theme which is “Royalty”, the girls were asked to wear tiaras. My tiara was, in fact, my favorite part of my ensemble because of the “princessy feeling” it gave me. I also loved my gold pouch bag that gave my look a bit “retro” effect.

Naturally, my hair is unruly and wavy that’s why I always wear it upswept to keep it out of my way during busy schooldays. But for the prom, I originally wanted it to be properly curled like Shakira’s former hairstyle until my mom suggested that I’d look “prettier” (gosh, I hate that word!) if I’d just straighten my hair temporarily and let it down for just one night. Well, mom knows best (so cliché) and my hair became straight, at least for that day.

February 15, 2007 – the big event came and when I stepped into the campus, all I can see is a sea of willowy skirts and tuxedoes. I felt like a different person because I’m not the type who always grooms every hour during regular days. When I came to the event, I received a lot of “OMG! Is that you?”, “You look so cool!”, “Ang ganda mo ngayon ah!” from both girls and guys, to which I don’t know how to react aside from smiling at them.

Honestly, I was really feeling queasy that day because the day before the prom, February 14, 2007 (Valentine’s Day), I had a fight with my best boy bud and I really feel bad about it. Whenever I see him looking at me, I really divert my eyes from him. I remained acting that way even during my speech for the bequeathal of the book from Ate Jela to me though only my close friends noticed the difference which is good. I don’t want to catch the gossip drift of my 353 batch mates, don’t I?

The surprise of this year’s prom was the Candy and Pond’s Prom Tour 2007 wherein they gave away freebies and picture taking sessions. I never dreamed of becoming the prom queen so I’ll skip this part though, I’m happy for my batch’s prom queen, Luisa. Aside from the prom queen, Candy and Pond’s get to choose their own Candy and Pond’s Princess in the person of my batch mate, Zyrene. And I must say that those gals deserve the titles they’ve got that night.

After the program, it’s chow time by Albergus. The food was really good though the servings were really large for me to consume easily. My favorite part there was the chocolate fountain. It brings back childhood! Coolness!

Not long after the dining hour, the music has been pumped up and people started flooding the dance floor. My first dance was one of my boy buds who eerily asked me to be his first dance a month before the prom. Actually, three days before the prom, I had in mind the list of guys from every section who I want to dance with me. Apparently, only three of them did dance with me which was really funny though! They’re like untouchables, in a positive sense, for me! After my sixth dance, my best boy bud sat beside me and asked for forgiveness. I don’t know but I’m always pardoning him so easily. I agreed to dance with him though he looked like a huge wall, not even moving an inch. I so want to bonk him in the head for ruining my valentine’s day! All in all, I had exactly eighteen guys who danced with me, most of them classmates and boy buds and the “dream guys”. I won’t include their names here because if I do so, I will certainly catch the gossip drift and it’s the end of my life!

III - De Jesus with Teacher Cris

Just like any other fairy tale, Juniors' Prom ended at Midnight. And all went back to normal once more. I am not really regretting the fact that I attended the prom. It may not be the best night of my life but I sure had a lot of rare experiences here. Well, being a lady doesn’t always equal fancy dresses and accessories. It’s on how you carry your self with poise and confidence. Maybe Seniors’ Prom is an event to look forward to?

So much for promenades!

‘Til my next entry!

Revival

If I am not mistaken, I am quite idle from blogging since late February. Sigh. I'm such a sloth. Hahaha!

Apparently, I had a lot of things going on this March ranging from academics to organizations to performances. As much as I wanted to update frequently, late nights are quite getting on my eyes already. Can't you see that it's so puffy already?

To give you all an insight of my life, first things first. Actually, the Final Exams wrecked my brain cells for the last time for my Junior year. Yikes, I can't believe that I'm soon off to college after graduation... Anyway, I'm quite contented with my self for I think that I did enough to achieve the academic status I aimed for. Thank God for His guidance!

My school year officially ended last March 20, 2007 yet my vacation is just starting tonight due to the rigorous vocal training of the Coro San Antonio for the recently concluded Graduation Ceremonies. I have to admit that I'm really going to miss this year's batch of the Coro San Antonio...

And let's not forget to mention that my heart has been going through an active stage.. I don't know but friendship is really fond of match-making in my life.

Anyway, 'til my next entry! :)

Height of Frustration

I am so stupid.

I can't believe that I gave almost my everything emotionally to a person who treats me like some piece of junk. So stupid of me. I can't help but rant and rant and rant about it.

Anyway, this is just one of my emotional trash out moments. Please bear with it.

'Till my next unfrustrated entry!

prom-DEMADE

And I’m back!

When was the last time I updated? Well, I can’t remember anymore.

My promenade came last February 15, 2007. I don’t have the idea of what I am to say about it. I can’t really say that it’s so exciting and rockin’ nor can I say that I detest and loathe it. It is just that something’s missing.

I did have a great time dancing with my friends and dressing up my self in fancy dresses. Too bad that I wasn’t able to bring my digital camera because I forgot to recharge it – so stupid of me. Anyway, I brought my mom’s box-type camera so when I got the pix developed, I’m gonna scan ‘em for you ok? Oh well, still having a hard time coping with my life… when am I gonna meet the person for me?

‘Till next entry!

Howdy peeps!

Well, I'm back to school and so far, I'm doing okay... I'm not ranting about sleepless nights anymore because I do it now at my will. Hahahaha!

By February, the Juniors' Prom is going to be held which means fancy dresses, flowers, dancing nights and major disaster for me. I'm not really used to these type of gatherings because I'm sort of reclusive in a different definition of the word. What will I do? I can really predict that I'm gonna be one of the "wallflowers" on that night and I feel a bit disappointed 'bout that thought. Though I really want to dress up in some "princessy" type of garment once in a while, in general, I'm having second thoughts on what I'm gonna do for that occassion... scary.

Wasted...

I’m not in a good disposition right now.

Although I got a lot of things and achievements for my self, I still feel lost, alone and odd among the others. I barely have someone to talk to because my heart wants to burst due to certain emotions. I can’t find my place, I’m disturbed. I just want to cry yet I wouldn’t want to.

I am happy with what I can achieve and with what I am right now but it’s just that I don’t have people to turn to when I’m in need emotionally. It is like I live alone in an empty house with no doors and windows. Before I was stoic but now, I can’t even get a grip of my feelings. I’m all ruined and confused. If it wasn’t for my faithful and fighting will, maybe I would have been dead by now due to depression and overwhelming solitary sensation.

I want to force my bubbly character out once more but my spirit of glee must have expired long enough for me to forget how to really feel joy. Somehow, I am thankful to have few friends left to hold on to, keeping me half-sane but unfortunately, they can’t understand the way I’m feeling right now and how deeply I am hurt. No doubt, I feel so stupid and all. It’s so frustrating…

Mumbles

Well....

HOWDY!

It's the first day of school and I'm not feeling okay but still, I'm doing my best not to be affected by anything on anybody. I'm good. Okay? You have to believe me. If you don't I'll punch you... hehehehe.

'Till here for now. Wahhhh! I got a perfect score in Technology and Health Education! Hahaha! First time! Anyway, bye for now! :)

Silent Nights

I guess I owe you guys a ‘Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year’ greeting, right?

Unlike the previous years, I had a very quiet celebration of the season. Though I usually am smiling around other people, I really am dying inside. You see, I spent most of my nights crying and pondering on my mistakes and the other things I need to do in order to get over my circumstances.

I should not have spent my Christmas like that. I know but I can’t help it. Though I don’t want to cry, I just find the tears continuously falling. Sigh. This is so not a good sign for my upcoming year.

Anyhow, I decided to get rid of my ridiculous self and just let everything loose. I started off with cutting my hair shorter, pampering my self more by being more girly and stopped being a desperate, weight-watching buff. The only problem I’m kind of facing right now is that I’m experiencing a mild pimple breakout and it’s not amusing! I regret spending my nights by crying. I’m so stupid! Hahahaha!

Well, I’m still happy because I was able to “virtually” avoid the source of my ache. Swallowing the pain has some advantage, I must say but -- I DO NOT advice it. It’s almost committing suicide minus the knife and physical injuries. You see your mistakes, you see his. You hurt so much inside, he doesn’t seem to be affected. You fake a smile, he doesn’t even notice. You hide the pain you feel, he could care less. You want to forget, memories of him make you fail. Despite all the tormenting feeling, we normally just let it all sink in just because we L-O-V-E this person.

I guess you get the picture of my holidays. I advice you not to do this because it causes huge eye bags, pimple breakouts, heavy feeling and depressed eating tendencies. Don’t say I didn’t warn you! :)

Hopefully, I’ll be back to bubbles and candies the next time I post! I wish you all a “blastful” year ahead!

See you when I see you!